The Outsider: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are floating in space (I can't help falling in love)

Steve Shearer picture
Steve Shearer (freeride76)
Swellnet Dispatch

Only philosophers embark on this perilous expedition to the outermost reaches of language and existence. Some of them fall off, but others cling on desperately and yell at the people nestling deep in the snug softness, stuffing themselves with delicious food and drink. 'Ladies and Gentlemen,' they yell, 'we are floating in space!' But none of the people up there care. Jostein Gardner. Sophie's World.

Floating in space. Deeply satisfied. That was how surf fans were feeling after watching Joel Parkinson at the Bowl this morning (following yesterdays epic day). In a perfect world, one where the Dream Tour actually meant something again we would all be luxuriating in the vicarious aesthetic experience offered by an artist like Joel when he is given the appropriate canvas at iconic locations. That is when Pro Surfing transcends the normal sporting boundaries and becomes something approaching an art form.

We'll revisit this concept in a moment, because it continues to demand attention and it is on the minds of the best of the pros (as it should be).

I had a candid exchange with Parko after his win. This is it verbatim.

"Joel Parkinson at Bells, that is one for the true believers. What was your analysis of your performance out there?"

"Umm...I'm not sure yet. In good waves I find it hard to...I don't know...I can't even remember what happened. You get to the end and your hearts racing, your legs are burning and your buggered and I guess it's a good wave."

"Surfing fans look at iconic waves like Bells and iconic performances that you've put in out here and then we look at the Tour this year and we see a lot of shitty beachbreak locations...what's your read on that?"

"It's different (grimaces)...the Dream Tour seems like it's gone back to the old way of locations but there are bonuses with a lot more money and a lot more fans. I definitely don't wanna go back grovelling after surfing waves like this."

"No surfing fan wants to see Joel Parkinson grovelling in beachbreak."

"No, Joel Parkinson doesn't wanna see Joel Parkinson grovelling in beachbreak."

"We wanna see your performances lifting and maturing in the kind of waves people dream about."

"Definitely, the thing about the Dream Tour is it's supposed to be the kind of waves you'd draw as a kid with the world's best surfers on 'em."

"Well, it was an absolute pleasure to watch you surf this morning."

"Cheers. Thank you."

Kelly didn't do much to win against Stu Kennedy but he didn't have to. The tide came in and the surf turned limp. It was all over after the opening turn of his opening ride. He threw spray 20feet in the air. Only Andy Irons could match Slater's opening hit and he's dead. God bless his soul.

While I recorded the following exchange with Slater, Bobby was in the water against Jordy. It was a tight match-up but Bobby was soundly beaten in the end. We'll visit Bobby on the steps post-loss as he was consoled by his wife and manager. But first I said this to Kelly, "I'm not sure you saw what happened at Winkipop yesterday?"

"No, what happened?"

"Well, there was epic surf and epic matchups"

"Oh, I thought you meant someone got hurt (wry grin)"

"No, no, no. A lot of surfing fans are saying they wanna see the worlds best surfers in the worlds best waves and it feels like the Tour is moving away from that. I wonder what your thoughts and feelings are about that."

"I'm not sure how that relates to Winkipop because it was some of the best waves in the world yesterday."

"Well, that's what I'm saying. When you see iconic waves with the world's best surfers, it seems like we're moving away from that."

"Oh yeah. Well, look, it's hard to say 'cause as a surfer you wanna catch the best waves, right. It'd be nice to have G'Land and Fiji back on Tour. But things change. To some extent we don't quite remember the reasons we went to certain locations. So we may end up going back to a few of the spots this year that aren't great waves and remember why we went to all the great waves. We'll figure that out, but it comes down to sponsorship dollars. I mean we're all getting paid and the company has got to make those dollars somehow."

"So you don't feel any sense of frustration that there might be a concept out there waiting to be grabbed?"

"Yeah, there's always concepts. Implementing those and creating a tour structure that deals with the young guys and and how they work their way onto the tour is a question too. You can't just come up with the best of the best idea and expect that everything else falls into place perfectly. So I'm gunna go sit down and think about that bad heat for a while."

"Pleasure to watch you surf brother."

(Kelly walks off without answering).

I was at the top of the stairs when Bobby came in after his loss to Jordy. CJ Hopgood was in close consultation with a man I took for Bobby's manager. An attractive woman with a pained expression stood behind CJ listening in. I guessed that was Bobby's wife. Bobby came up the stairs. There was no anger. Just a palpable feeling of despair and tender vulnerability. His head was bowed and he stood below the manager as they deconstructed the heat.

Bobby said, "Man, I coulda got that 6.4 on that wave. I felt like I blew it." His wife leaned over and said in a loving voice, "You alright babe?" Bobby nodded but he looked close to tears.

He walked past me and I said, "Man, that was some of the best backside surfing I've seen in a comp ever yesterday. Thanks for laying that track down for us."

He paused and there was a moment where I thought he might have reacted with anger but he smiled instead. A deep tender smile, "Thanks so much man."

We're all emotional beings. Sport requires a connection and Bobby is providing that. Behind the anger is hurt. This man needs some encouragement.

There wasn't much else to recommend where anti-climax became the dominant emotion. Davo tore the Bells Bowl a new one and Fanning looked clinical. Even he has emotion.

We are discovering so much here, sports fans.

The final placings will be so dependent on the surf on hand...big calls await.

(Photos by Steve Arklay) All Day 4 Photos here. The Outsider: The Great Rock 'n Roll Swindle The Outsider: Show Me Your War Face Soldier The Outsider: Remembrance of Things Past The Outsider: Prologue

Comments

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 11:20am

It's nice writing Outsider. It's a long way from that huge smile in Mundaka to the heavy heart at Bells. Human frailty sometimes gets overlooked in the midst of an epileptic inducing strobe set to a punk track.

I thought Bobby was ripping too. Onwards and upwards I suppose.

smerkin's picture
smerkin's picture
smerkin Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 12:47pm

Love your articles, Steve. A couple of grammar and spelling mistakes though. Hopgood? Sorry, had to say something. Nowhere near as bad as Stab, though :)

tournier-s-daddy's picture
tournier-s-daddy's picture
tournier-s-daddy Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 5:00pm

Yawn.

Parko surfs good in good waves.

Snore.

Bobby is upset after losing a heat.

Zzzzzz.

The tour is going to suck in beachbreaks.

Gag. Wake me when it's over old man.

C'mon now Steve Shearer. Mr. Outsider. Mr. no wrist bands McGee. You're starting to recap everything everyone already knows. Stu paid you lots of precious lucre to send you all the way out there to cold-ass Torquay and it sounds like you're just reporting what everyone can see in the warm comforts of the webcast. Step it up, tiger.

Furthermore, starting every article with a quote is the first thing they tell you not to do in journo school ol' chap. That's what high school term papers look like.

Step it up cunt face or me and Tournier are going back to Nick Carroll for some real writing.

tournier-s-daddy's picture
tournier-s-daddy's picture
tournier-s-daddy Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 5:03pm

P.s.

Whoever the blog administrator is needs to step it up as well. My screen name was Tournier's Daddy when I signed up. Not "tournier-s-daddy."

What is this, amateur hour around here?

blasphemy-rottmouth's picture
blasphemy-rottmouth's picture
blasphemy-rottmouth Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 5:06pm

Eat a bag of dicks tournier-s-daddy.

Thanks for the words Freeride. Looking forward to reading the rest when I get back from the Northlands. I will be heartily gloating in your face when Jordy pulls off the win and restores my pre-season championship pick... and my good name. Such as it is.

Cheers!

grug's picture
grug's picture
grug Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 5:31pm

Why read Tournier? Why are you_still_reading? Why waste your precious time? To say such things you obviously must have the requisite talent to do a far better job. Why not do that instead? Or are you just a pathetic troll?

Really nice work Steve. Liking the mellow approach. I wish i could come down to watch but i'm working all easter... unless it somehow doesn't finish till next monday/tuesday. enjoy the rest of the tournament and i'll console myself with the shitty heats on demand (they are even worse this event with not even full waves being shown hald the time) and your reports. cheers

whaaaat's picture
whaaaat's picture
whaaaat Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 9:52pm

"Step it up cunt face"???? Jeez, what erudition.

It's not an either/or choice. Read it all - Nick Carroll et al.

freeride76's picture
freeride76's picture
freeride76 Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 10:21pm

..".....is the first thing they tell you not to do in journo school ol' chap."..

Journo school......hahahhaha, that's funny.

So what would you like to see covered TD?

bigwayne's picture
bigwayne's picture
bigwayne Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 10:35pm

mr daddy, one has the need to want to throttle you bismerching the good name of mr the outsider? mr daddy, by what aurthority do you make the claim that hoaxsurf is better than this erudite and gentlemanly site such as this? if you think that the quality of the reporting is not up to your standards? then go and complete your diploma in hand to gland combat and come back when we call you for you "wave" ok littleman? mr the outsider is on the job and you my littleman are not !! methinks that you know how to spell jelousy? do you not littleman? dont worry big mr the outsider you are doing a bang up job oldmate

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 10:56pm

Mornin' Nuncle. I concur.

I wonder if tournier the barking lapdog frequenting the Billabong pro and tournier-s-daddy are one and the same? They only seem to appear in different guises when Freeride writes at length and then disappear until the next contest.

I dare say calling someone cunt-face would be frowned upon when critiquing anothers writing as well.

Something is rotten in suburbia I tell you.

merkin's picture
merkin's picture
merkin Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 11:05pm

Just to clear things up I'm not Smerkin but I am a stickler for spelling

Anyway Tournierdashwhoever as for Stu spending cash on sending him to Torquay I think you'll find he put the poor bastard on the bus. I'd ride a fixed wheel treddly with a flat tyre and no seat rather than do the Greyhound.

Make the most of the waves down there Mr Freeride as it's a lake here this morning - I'm heading down to in front of the van park with the 9'3" to run over a few Queenslanders.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Friday, 22 Apr 2011 at 11:09pm

I'm trying to save money Merkin, so I can send Steve to Journo School.

top-to-bottom-bells's picture
top-to-bottom-bells's picture
top-to-bottom-bells Saturday, 23 Apr 2011 at 3:01am

Just enrol Shearer in the first class of journo school, Stu. That's when they teach the bit about not using quotes. He can skip the rest.

fitzroy-21's picture
fitzroy-21's picture
fitzroy-21 Saturday, 23 Apr 2011 at 10:26am

Oh Tournier, I'd rather climb a mountain of cock with my mouth wide open than read your dribblish shit.

batfink_and_karate's picture
batfink_and_karate's picture
batfink_and_karate Monday, 25 Apr 2011 at 11:35am

- Furthermore, starting every article with a quote is the first thing they tell you not to do in journo school ol' chap. -

As though Journo school is punching out such fine literati.

In fact, I'm pretty sure you will find that the only good journos around these days, apart from a very few exceptions (both female), got in on the old apprenticeship (copy boy) model and didn't spend a freaking wasted minute in 'journo's school'.

Wanker!

Journo's school only pumps out spin merchants and PR numpties.

Fuck you Tournier and your cookie cutter illiterate journos who all came out of journo school with distinctions,but somehow can't put a sentence together.