Surfpolitik The Emperor's New Clothes and the Unwanted Items of an Also-ran

In: Surfpolitik by Stu Nettle 20 Comments Fri 14th Dec '12

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Somewhere in southern China a T-shirt has been printed that will never grace a human torso. Made just last week it will be destroyed this weekend, unceremoniously dumped in a bin somewhere on the North Shore along with other items of clothing sporting the same hopeful slogan.

'Slater 12 in 2012' or 'Parko World Champ At Last'.

Some people may say it's presumptuous of Billabong and Quiksilver to pre-print their world champ shirts but I'm not one of them. The new emperor will need clothes and there's only so many iron-on transfers a half-cut manager can do between the final hooter and the podium champagne shower. No, Bong and Quik have put their orders in and got their merch ready to wear. Only one batch will serve its purpose.

That's great, but let's think of all the bridesmaid shirts that have been made and dumped over the years: 'Mick Campbell World Champ 1998', 'Jordy Smith World Champ 2010', and of course Parko already has his own collection. What happened to all these shirts? Did any survive? I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping that the respective surf companies didn't merely dump said shirts but found ethical uses for the unwanted items. I'm picturing a huddle of Ethiopian kiddies staving off the cold in their 'Taj Burrow World Champ 2007' shirts.

Let's face it, winning is boring, especially when you've already done it twelve times over. As a regular surf fan and bog standard punter I've got much more in common with half-arsed striving and the bitter taste of failure. So give me the shattered dreams. Give me the memory of what could have been. Give me an article of clothing so unique and ironic that hipsters everywhere shall fawn over it forever.

So come on Billabong and Quiksilver, before you ship those shirts to Ethiopia, give me one of them.

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