Surfpolitik Dumb, Drunk and Racist in Cronulla

In: Surfpolitik by Stu Nettle 81 Comments Mon 25th Jun '12

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"Just sit here and wax your board, the camera crew is behind the surf club, they'll come around the corner in a minute."

"What'll I do when they come around the corner?"

"Just act surprised, as if we've never met. Make it spontaneous..."

And so I sat waxing my board outside North Cronulla Surf Club on a Sunday afternoon in February. And I waxed. And waxed.

The reason I was sitting there was because I'd been invited to be part of an ABC documentary titled Aussie Road Trip. The premise for the show, as explained to me a few weeks earlier, was this: four Indian nationals drive around the country exploring our national character. Australians have a bad name overseas, nowhere worse than India where the Melbourne student bashings caused a national outcry. So the goal was to see Australia through the eyes of the Indians, or so the producers told me.

Cronulla was a must-stop for the Indians considering the suburb has become a byword for racism following the 2005 race riots. I happened to see the riots and wrote about them afterward, hence my invitation to appear. They'd also sought people who took part in the riots yet they hadn't found anyone willing to appear on television and talk about it. Not surprising as it was a dark day in Australia's history.

As I waxed my board I wondered how this would play out. I was told I'd be giving surfing lessons, spare boards and wetsuits were stacked in the back of my car, but that idea was canned just thirty minutes earlier. I now had the daunting proposition of fronting the camera with no props and no script. Humour, I figured, would be the best tactic if this was a straight to camera deal. I'd drop the seriousness and have a laugh. Lighten the mood and show by way of action that all was well in Cronulla.

Forty minutes later I was still sitting on the fence outside North Cronulla Surf Club. My cake of wax long gone, transformed into a thoroughly impressive wax job and I was sweating in the summer sun. Why were they taking so long? One of the producers ran around the corner...

"Sorry Stu, we've been held up. Things haven't quite gone to plan."

"What's happened?"

"We were showing old news footage of the Cronulla riots to the Indians, they'd never seen it before, and one of them has had an emotional reaction. He's in tears, but we're still going to film. The camera crew will be here in a minute."

Tears and an emotional breakdown? So much for girdling myself with levity and laughs. Before I could formulate a new strategy the camera crew rounded the corner with Indians in tow. I acted surprised and offered my hand to shake. 

It was obvious which of the Indians had the emotional turn. Amer, the youngest of the four, had red eyes and a crumpled tissue in hand. After a brief introduction the grilling began: Why where there so many Australian flags on the beachfront? What were the riots about? How did they happen? Were Australians racist?

I explained that the situation in 2005 only degenerated after a large group had been drinking in the sun for many hours.

"So the rioters were a bit tipsy then?" asked Amer.

"Yeah...tipsy." Now wasn't the time to explain the finer points of Aussie binge drinking.

"But which side of politics did they belong to? Which party?" enquired Gurmeet, the intense newsreader who'd been quiet till now. It became clear that their idea of a riot differed from the reality in Cronulla.

After all was said and done I wished them well on their Aussie road trip and forgot about them for a while.

Then three weeks ago an employee of the production company rang to say the show would be on television soon and there'd been a small change – the title was now Dumb, Drunk and Racist. This news was followed by a hurried explanation that sounded suspiciously scripted, as if it'd been issued a few times already.

After the conversation I Googled Dumb, Drunk and Racist and found news entries from the 8th February – six days after we met. Apparently the camera crew got into strife in Alice Springs, rocks were hurled and they had to bunker down in a hotel. One report said "...a camera crew working on the ABC documentary Dumb, Drunk and Racist..."

So less than a week after we met the whole project appeared to have been rebadged and everyone informed – media included – and yet I, who'd appeared on camera under particular terms, wasn't told. The more cynical explanation is that the change was premeditated; guests were invited to appear under the 'Aussie Road Trip' premise simply because the title was more palatable.

The question begs: Would I have agreed to appear had I been told the title at the beginning? Probably not. I liked the idea of the tourists starting the trip with a clean slate and allowing them to form their own view of Australians. Yet expressed in the new name are accusations against Australians which we must work backwards to defend. The feeling I get from Dumb, Drunk and Racist – admittedly formed from just one episode – is that it's designed to shock and provoke.

So now I'm the defence lawyer of sorts for Australia's dumb, drunk and racist folk. I haven't seen the episode and I'm nervous about it: Have I been stitched up? We filmed for four hours that Sunday afternoon so my fate rests in the editors' hands. I hope they give me a fair hearing.

Dumb, Drunk and Racist is on ABC2 Wednesday nights at 9:30pm.

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