Surfpolitik From White Kite to Muff Diver: What's in a name?

In: Surfpolitik by Stu Nettle 26 Comments Thu 1st Dec '11

Tags: channel islands , firewire , pcc surfbaords , cory surfboards , mike psillakis surfboards , shane stedman , vampirate surfboards , division surfboards , gash surfboards , dane reynolds , dumpster diver , neck beard , greg brown , haydenshapes , ralph riddell , greg webber , mark pridmore , more surfboards , Aloha Surfboards

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Recently I did a board review and commented that many shapers are frustrated celebrity chefs. Evidence to support my claim was overwhelming: the board I was reviewing was Firewire's Sweet Potato model, Aloha have a Bean, Channel Islands have a Biscuit and a Cheese Stick, while a quick look through a catalogue turns up a Hot Dog, Peanut, Drumstick and an Egg.

Surfboards with model names were once the preserve of popouts, production line boards maligned by the faithful and bought by the masses. Yet since the introduction of the shaping machine the idea has been turned on its head. Shapers now give their surfboard models a name - and not necessarily food related - to stand out in the market. Tell me what lodges in your brain, the Psychedelic Germ or 6'2 x 18 ¾ x 2 ½?

Yeah, it's a form of branding and like any marketing the methods match the era. Gone is the austerity of Shane Stedman's White Kite or Channel Island's Black Beauty, replaced with free-for-all nomenclature that can include Haydenshapes Hypto Krypto, Vampirate's Grave Digger, or Division's Burning Burrito. Like the shapes they describe, anything goes.

Puns are ever popular: Greg Webber has the high-volume Fat Burner, Mike Psillakis The Hipster, and Channel Islands The Fort Knox ("Think Taylor, think Fort Knox!"). But it's Sunshine Coast shaper, Mark Pridmore, who takes the cake for his culinary puns and he gets extra points for staying on theme. The More Surfboards menu features a Fish Finger, a Dumpling, and a Dim Sim – Mark's version of a miniature Simmons slab.

Perhaps we should ask the question, what does a board say about you? We can start with Dane Reynolds who rhapsodised his bohemian regard with the Neck Beard and Dumpster Diver models, both of which are popular with the pro-ho boho set - young surfers who margin walk between idol worship and cool disinterest. The cut-off square tailed Dumpster Diver spawned offshoots of its own. Stuart Paterson at PCC created the Stuart Diver model while Greg Brown at Gash Surfboards celebrated his follicle proclivities with the Muff Diver. With a similar eye for anatomy Cory Russell is soon to release the Camel Toe on his Cory Surfboards label. 

While the names get more daring I eagerly await a shaper with a sharp sense of irony to release a Popout model. I'd buy one just to reward their humour and chutzpah. Unfortunately, levity is far outweighed by grim-faced metaphors to machismo: Daggers, Whips, Bullets and Guns all make an appearance, with the latter divided into Pistols and Sawn Offs. On the other side of the emotional divide lies good-natured Mark Richards, who celebrates the natural world with a Bumble Bee, a Hornet and a Puffer Fish, each board sprayed in gay, lustrous colours.

Not surprisingly the fish is the victim of slippery linguistics in the surfboard world. A quick count reveals a Gold Fish, Stump Fish, Twin Fish, Flying Fish, King Fish, Monk Fish, Superfish, and one species that appears ready to make the evolutionary leap: the Uberfish.

How far can all this go? Too far for Queensland shaper, Ralph Riddel. Ralph has put the plethora of names into a pot, boiled them down to their essential element and come up with the name of his latest model: the Surfboard.

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